April 2022 , the most emotional month up to date

So April. How is it the end of the month already. I have to say this has for sure been the most emotional and stressful month to date.

But lets start with the highs. April brought us the easter break. We had around 2 1/2 weeks off. In that time, I was still working in the city centre but was able to mostly have the time at home. From the last diary entry you would have known that I truly needed a break. Within the easter holidays I saw old friends, went for days out, and just enjoyed walking in the countryside. Something again I have learnt about myself is that truly I don’t think I could ever live in a big city or suit city life. I need the countryside and love the countryside as a form of escapism. It brings me piece and from where I have grown up, have so many walks and feeds to stroll through which I truly love. Nottingham however does not have this. But none the less, there was good weather and finally chance to relax and re charge. However, saying this, the break wasn’t all a break. I would say 50% of the time, I was doing university work and this was my choice. Even thought I was throughly enjoying what I was doing, I do not think I had the break I needed over the easter holidays. As you probably have gathered by now, I do not like to do nothing, I am not a very good chiller. I like to be busy and productive. Therefore, I know I do it to myself but this is just the way I work.

Coming back after the holidays I thought I would be ready for the final push and re charged from the break but to be honest I was the opposite. I came back officially the Tuesday of the final easter break week and within about 3 days I felt burnt out. My project, unlike others is a personal story and I have truly such an emotional connection too. So as well as it being tiring from completing the project physically it is also emotionally and mentally draining for me. Even little things such as thinking about my own health journey and how far I have come yet how lost and down I sometimes feel.

I decided to go back home for a few days and have them as days off - I felt overwhelmed to say the least. I had also been given a few opportunities from Heygirls as well as something from my expert. These as well as my degree and my part time job was just getting too much at this point and truly went home to re evaluate and decide what to do. When I came back I still had a week. I genuinely could not hold the tears back even if I didn’t know what they were for.

Writing this today, 30th April, I feel a lot better. Its a Saturday morning, the last few days have been very productive and I feel in a good space about all university work, stage 2, the exec summary and brand me. I keep having people tell me that I am in the best position and I have truly done so well, but I don’t see it like that. I do this so I don’t get ill.

But the last 2 weeks are approaching and I feel confident yet there is always that worry of not doing well, especially as so much is riding on this for the overall degree grade. But none the less, I will continue and push forward but will continue to make time for myself again to just enjoy what I can of the final month of university.